LIGO recently observed a neutron star merger, finally confirming a speculated source of short gamma ray bursts, but there are other interesting signals that neutron stars can provide to particle physicists. In this talk, I'll summarize two recent papers trying to use neutron stars as laboratories for direct and indirect detection of dark matter. One paper focuses on so-called 'dark fire' - the kinetic heating of cold neutron stars by in-falling dark matter. The other looks at long range forces in neutron star binary systems resulting from the QCD axion, a dark matter candidate. Both are great examples of the opportunities that astrophysics can provide to particle physicists stuck on Earth.